*gone for the summer*

There's only one thing I have to say about state soccer:  It rocked.  I had the time of my life from Thursday till Saturday night.  We got slaughtered in our game, but the game was the most boring part of the whole trip.  Yeah, state was fricken awesome.  It was so sweet of some of the boys to come down to watch us and hang out with us.  Cody, Abe, Curtis, Andrew, my baby, and some others came down.  One night we were all hanging out in our hotel room and...let's just say it was pretty funny.  On Saturday before we went home we went shopping at the mall in Omaha.  It was so huge.  I made some purchases at Victoria's Secret.  Spent $50 in there...I can't walk in there without buying something.  That's all I bought at the mall, besides a coffee.  Then we played laser tag.  Got my butt kicked by an 8-year-old.  It was awesome.
To tell all the goings-on of state would take me hours, so I'll just leave it at this.  What happened in Omaha, stays in Omaha.

It is so awesome that our soccer team is going to state; more awesome still that we beat Scottsbluff to do it!  Yes!!  It was such an exciting game on Saturday in North Platte.  On the way up there, however, our bus broke down again.  We really need to invest in some new buses, because that’s the second time it’s happened to us.  We were on the side of the road for three hours.  It was a good time, though.  Things like that really make you closer as a team.  I don’t think I could get much closer to those girls; we are all such good friends.  I love them so much.  It was a great opportunity to get closer to the boys though, since they were with us this time.  I talked with Cody a bit about this and that, and Josh and I had a nice conversation in the suburban.  Josh, Sydney, and I have a song that reminds us of each other.  “If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy….” I don’t remember the rest but it’s so hilarious to see Syd dancing to it!  -Mmmm, Josh, you're hott, baby!!  I like it like that.-  LOL!!!!
We were outside of the bus to get away from the gas fumes, and I made a comment which pointed out that things couldn’t get much worse.  By beautiful chance, right when I said that, it started raining.  Seriously, it was just about the coolest coincidence I have ever stumbled upon.  So then we danced in the rain because Ashley brought her boom box with her, and guess what song we listened to?
We finally got to North Platte to find a hostile Heidi Huck plus eager-to-beat-us-again team waiting impatiently.  I think Bluffs was overconfident about winning, because they didn’t play as well as the last two times we’ve played them.  Either that, or WE just played better.  Kynzie had some awesome saves in the goal and only let one shot by her, which wasn’t enough for them.  Muuuahhahahaaaa!!  Yep, the Cats were pretty upset about it after the game, all of them crying and what not.  We were crying too, because we were so happy.  The boys lost though, which was sad :(.  Poor boys, they tried so hard.

I’m so excited to go to state!  We leave on Thursday and won’t be back until Saturday afternoon, at the earliest.  Even if we lose (which I don’t doubt) it will be a fun trip.  We play Lincoln Pius first.  *gasp*  They are ranked first in the state, I think.  We’re gonna get schooled, but the experience will be good for us.  As long as Scottsbluff isn’t going, I will be happy.

I heard something very interesting the other day:  “If you never stop when you wave goodbye, you just might find, if you give it time, you will wave hello again.”  Thought that was pretty sweet.  (I know, I’m a dork.  It’s part of my mystique.)

I had a fricken awesome time at prom last Saturday.  The dance was actually the low point of the evening, as it’s what you do after prom that is so much fun. 

Starting from the beginning of the night, Benn picked me up at 8 to go eat some dinner before the dance.  Of course, before we left we got about a million pictures taken.  His mom gave him her car for the evening, which was really nice of her because she has a nice car.  At the dance we got more pictures taken, which I hated simply because I hate getting my picture taken.  Maybe I’ll put one on here so y’all can see my dress!!  It’s really prettyful.  I loved seeing all my friends in their dresses and tuxes.  The most beautiful dress I saw all night was Lesly Olson’s; she looked so gorgeous in it.  Then again, she is one of those people who looks gorgeous in sweat pants and a t-shirt.

I had quite an interesting day on Monday.  For soccer we were going to Cheyenne to play a game there, and on the way over our bus broke down.  There was a huge gas leak in the engine.  We all got out of the bus and stood on a hill and made all the truckers honk at us.. which they did because we're all so cute in our soccer uniforms, lol.  It was just outside of Kimball so a Kimball bus came to pick us up and dropped us off at Burger King, and we had to wait for another Gering bus to come get us and take us the rest of they way.  Well, we won our game and afterwards we went to Wendy's to get some dinner...and that's about  the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital.  My friends told me that I had been complaing of having shortness of breath, and I couldn't breathe in so they called 911.  They thought I'd be fine, until I passed out.  The bus turned around and met an ambulance on the road.  Again, we were about 10 miles from Kimball going north towards home.  I was in the back of the bus with my friends and they had to get out of the back door to make room for the paramedics.  They couldn't get me to respond to anything, so they called Flight for Life before I was even off the bus.  They said that I wasn't responding to pain or voice commands.  They took me to Regional West in the helicopter and did some tests and concluded that I had a severe concussion from a header that I took during my soccer game.  I don't remember a thing, which makes me mad because that was my first helicopter ride, haha.  But I am almost back to normal now, and they let me out of the hospital yesterday.  They said I could play soccer again next week, and I can't wait.

My whole soccer team came to the hospital to make sure I was okay.  My coaches were also there, along with the principal of my school Mr. Hubbard, the activities director Mr. Alvarez, my best friends Kate, Lissa, and Elizabeth, the pastor of my church and his wife, the youth leaders of my church, my two friends Matt and Sarah, my mom's friend Connie, my grandparents and of course my parents.  I didn't know so many people cared about me.  I didn't get to see my friends that night because my doctor sent them home, but I'm still glad that they were there for me.

The next morning in the hospital Nancy, Linsey, and Kate came to see me during school.  My aunt Deb and my boss Linda came.  Jonathan came to see me too, which was very nice of him.  I'm glad he came!  While he was there my coach came and gave me some roses from the team and him.  And then...he came.  He was a sight for sore eyes, that's for sure.  I hoped he would come, and he did just before I was able to go home.  Oh my gosh, my heart about jumped right out of my chest when I saw him walk through the door.  He stayed until I went home, and we had some good laughs about my situation.  Then he said he'd be there for me whenever I needed him.  Yep, he's a keeper.  I'm not saying his name, obviously.  We'll call him "the object of my affection" for now.  I like to keep y'all in suspence.

I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends!!  They have always done so much for me, even when I'm in perfectly good health they are there.  I hope I get the opportunity to repay them for all their kindness and love.  I'm so thankful for them.  I love you guys :cry:!!  (Those are happy tears.)

Just got a call a few mintues ago.  The results are positive.  I have cancer.  Know what's wierd?  It's breast cancer.
1) I don't have breasts (they're kinda on the small side)
2) I'm freakin' 17!!!  I should NOT have breast cancer. 
It's very rare that I have it, too.  The tumor is going to be bigger than my boob.  Haha, just a some light humor, laughter is the best medicine afterall.  Plus, I hate taking things like this seriously.  I do better when I make fun of it.
I'm really scared.  What if it has already spread elsewhere?  What if it's too late?  Could it be terminal?  Why do I even have it, being so young?  How long do I have left to live, dare I ask?  I hate the world!!!  Gah!!!!
Hmmm, cancer.  Not fun, not fun at all.  Please hope that things go well for me from here on out!!  I need all the help I can get.

Having a great day today.  Lately, things couldn't be better.  I'm in such a good mood and smiling all the time now.  Man, I can't believe my luck, how could I be this lucky?  Everything is going so well, it's almost too good to be true.  Yep, the past few days have been nothing but a good time.  *rolls eyes*

...April Fool's.



You guys, just when things start getting right again, when things start going good, something happens to tear that all down.  Every single fricken time!! 

Now I just found out that I've been banned from e-tard.  Do you hate me now?  Am I really that horrible for you to not want anything to do with me?  I never said I didn't want to talk to you.  My fricken dad talked to yours, I guess...found out this morning and cried all the way to school thinking "why do you have to do this to me, dad?"  My parents don't hate you, either, though it may seem like that.  They hate me.  They hate my attitude and how I always look like I'm in a bad mood. Now you hate me too, huh Jonathan?  I still love you, but I guess that means nothing to you anymore.  Don't you want to be my friend?  Just gonna throw it all away and forget you ever met me?  I'm not mad at you for the other night, either.  I'm mad now that you've "blocked" me from your life.  Thought I could count on you not to do that to me, but you have.  What does that say?

My mom is so mad at me for something, I dont even know what it is.  She didn't come to my soccer game yesterday, when before she said she couldn't wait to see me play.  She wouldn't even look at me.  My parents talked with my grandma about some things and my dad told me that they all agree that they are getting sick of me.  My own family!!  I don't blame them, I guess.  I've heard from other people I love that I am a horrible person, that I'm not worth it.  I'm starting to believe that all this must be true.  Now I just wonder what to do about it.  Run away?  I think I just might, but I don't know where I could go where they couldn't find me.  I don't mean to hurt anyone, I really really don't. 

I'm at school right now bawling my eyes out.  Really embarrassing but I can't help it.  I have two good things going for me, and the rest can just kiss my butt.
1.  My faith in Jesus.  If not for this comfort, I'm sure I would have ended all this a long time ago.  Things would be ten times worse if I hadn't.  I've found out what I've known all along- Jesus is the only one who you can always count on, no matter what your situation is.  He will always be there, and of course He has been for me.  Things are bad right now, but they could be so much worse.
2.  My close friends Katie, Nancy, Sydney, Sarah, and Lissa have all been there for me, too.  I don't know what I would do without them, either.  They help put me in a good mood. 
Those are my strongholds.  I love you guys!!  You're the best.

Soccer practice is always the highlight of my day.  Most of my close friends are there, and then a lot of my really good friends, too.  I just don't think of anything else when I'm there.  I wish it would last longer, it's good medicine.

goodbye

I might not get to write in here for a while, so I will right now.  We are moving out to our lake house, and tonight is supposed to be the first night we stay out there.  There isn't any internet connection out there yet, but we're going to get a laptop in a little while and then cordless internet, which will be very handy.  I really don't want to move out there, just not right now.  It takes about 20 minutes to get into town, so I have to get up early to get to school on time.  I won't like that at all!!  Plus, it's just a hassle when you don't have a car, but I should be getting one next week which will help me out A LOT!!  I can't wait, I miss driving!
Once summer gets here, it should be loads of fun living out at the lake.  I'll be able to go skiing anytime I want, and lay out in the sun, and sleep outside in the sand on the beach, and all kinds of things!!  It's really dark there at night, and so you can see all kinds of shooting stars if you just wait for some.  One night I saw five, it was so pretty.  And we have a golf cart out there that is so fun to mess around in.  It goes maybe 20 mph, give or take five.  My friend Mouna and I got it stuck on a log once that we thought we could drive over, but we managed to get it off before anyone found out.
Well, I'll be back sooner or later.  Bye!!

So, I've had this blog since November I think.  I recently deleted every entry except for this one and the last one, of course.  Why?  Because I really just want to forget a lot of things about my past.  Not everything was bad, don't get me wrong.  There were a lot of good memories on here, those are the ones I want to remember.  All the other ones, I just want to forget they ever happened.

Let me fill you in on something...I have not been completely myself in over three months.  The reasons for that are why I deleted all my other entries.  Now I'm starting to see the old me again, except I think it would be more appropriate to call it the "new" me.  As much as I would love for things to go back to the way they were, I am thrilled to see what is in store for me in the future.  Each day is a new beginning, and a new chance to live your life how you want to.  (That sounded kinda corny, but it does have truth.)

There are people and places I can never forget, but I know that if I've experienced this much already in my 17 years, then there is still a lot I have to discover.  I have a lot to look forward to, and I can't wait to see what happens.

So, a little more about me, since everything else has been annihilated:

Name:  Lindsey
Age:  17
Grade:  Junior
Occupation:  Barrista   
Favorite pass times:  Playing soccer, sleeping in, munching on junk food, changing out with my friends, going to church and church activities, daydreaming

What I love but
don't have time for:  White water rafting, skiing, rock climbing, bungee jumping, swimming, shopping, staying up all night with friends because you don't want the night to end, taking long walks right before it gets dark outside, spending time with my extended family members and distant friends

Favorite songs: Love Song for a Savior by Jars of Clay
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ; Tiger Lilly By Matchbook Romance
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ; Nothing Else I Need by Jeremy Camp
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ; The Scientist by Coldplay
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ; there are a ton more…I love music!

Best day ever:  July 27, 2003

That’s me in a nutshell.  Read on to learn more!!   

Much better.